Sex without penetration: What it is and 12 ways to explore

What is sex without penetration? 

Non-penetrative sex, or sex without penetration, sometimes referred to as outercourse, is a type of sexual activity that doesn’t involve putting a penis, sex toys, fingers, or anything else inside the vagina or the anus [1]. There are many reasons people choose to have sex without penetration, including sexual preference, if they experience pain during sex, or to be intimate without risking pregnancy.

Reasons to have non-penetrative sex

There are lots of reasons why people choose to have this type of sex, including:

• To prevent pregnancy: Some people choose to use fertility awareness as a form of birth control, which involves abstaining from penetrative sex on fertile days. Similarly, if you’re using NC° Birth Control to prevent pregnancy, then you’ll already know you need to use protection or abstain from penetrative sex on Red Days. However, that doesn’t mean you need to abstain from ALL sexual activity. 
• It makes sex more enjoyable: Whether non-penetrative sex is the main type of sex you’re having or you have it as well as penetrative sex, this form of intimacy can heighten your pleasure overall. Research has shown that only 18% of women can achieve orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, meaning clitoral stimulation is a key part of reaching orgasm for many people [2].
• It can make sex less painful: Some people find penetrative sex difficult because of past trauma or if they have a medical condition that makes it painful [3]. Non-penetrative sex offers another way to share intimacy. 
• You’ll get to know your body better: Exploring your sexuality through non-penetrative sex can teach you a lot about the types of things you do and don’t enjoy, and you’ll also learn lots about your partner/s along the way! 
• Adds novelty: If you're in a long-term relationship, you may notice that sex can get repetitive. While it's completely normal to experience this, it doesn't have to be the norm for you. Exploring new types of non-penetrative sex can help couples feel more connected, passionate, and satisfied. Many couples share stories of how trying something new helped reignite desire in their relationship.

Is non-penetrative sex still sex?

Yes, absolutely! Lots of people have non-penetrative sex as their main or only form of sexual pleasure. While many of us may think of penetration as the main type of sex, it’s by no means the only way to experience sexual pleasure. In fact, many people may find it easier or more enjoyable to have non-penetrative sex for a number of reasons.

At Natural Cycles, we recognize all types of sex as valid because everyone’s pleasure is important, no matter how it’s experienced. 

12 Ways to explore non-penetrative sex

Curious to find out what sex without penetration can look like? We have some ideas worth exploring:

1. Touch each other

Keeping pleasure hands-only can be a great way to refresh your sex life. While many of us may think of touching as a type of foreplay, it can be so much more than that. Focusing on touching gives you a chance to explore each other’s bodies — perhaps discovering often overlooked areas — in a way you might not do if your end goal is always penetration.

2. Have oral sex

When it comes to having sex without intercourse, oral sex is a popular option. Research shows that 86% of women and 87% of men aged 18-44 in the United States have had oral intercourse at some point in their lives [4]. While you can’t get pregnant from oral sex, there is still a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Using a condom or a dental dam can keep you protected [5].

Since most female orgasms happen through clitoral stimulation [2], oral sex is a helpful way to heighten pleasure without skipping intimacy, but if it’s not for you, that’s OK too! Oral sex is a personal preference, some people may prefer performing it to receiving it and vice versa.

3. Try non-penetrative sex toys

Not all sex toys are designed to go inside the vagina or the anus, there are loads of sex toys out there that are designed specifically for pleasure without penetration. Whether you’re into wands, bullets, gels, or rings, there are plenty of options out there, complete with sleek, sexy, and discreet designs. 

You can use sex toys on your own or with a partner — it’s up to you! Just make sure you keep these intimate objects clean to keep yourself and others protected, as there is still a risk of pregnancy if semen gets on sex toys that then go inside the vagina. It’s also possible to transfer infection through bodily fluids or by using sex toys for anal and vaginal play, hence the importance of good sex toy hygiene. You also have the option to use condoms and lubes alongside sex toys for added protection if you want to. 

4. Try dry humping

This type of non-penetrative sex means rubbing or grinding together. You can practice dry humping naked or with your clothes on. This can be a fun way to experience pleasure without having to opt for penetrative sex. 

You can always mix things up and incorporate other types of play as well. A lay-on vibe or a grinding pad is designed to enhance dry humping. If you’re naked, consider adding your favorite water-based lube to improve the glide and add extra sensations.

5. Have phone sex

Let’s take a minute to talk about phone sex. Whether you’re doing it long distance or use sexting as a kind of foreplay during the day, phone sex is an imaginative and penetrative-free way to feel closer when you’re not together.

Doing it down the line builds communication and creates a safe space to explore untapped fantasies. Phone sex may even make it easier to role-play or express your desires without the pressure of being there in person. 

Keep in mind that while sharing intimate images can help you stay close, it’s important to be savvy while online and know what is and isn’t OK. Sharing private images non-consensually is a crime in many States and countries around the world.

6. Try mutual masturbation

Touching yourself is a useful way to discover your own pleasure and has added health benefits, such as potentially helping you get a better night’s sleep — one study found that people who masturbated before sleep felt that they slept better [6]. Another study found that while men reported significantly higher positive feelings about masturbation than women, people who recently engaged in masturbation reported higher sexual satisfaction [7].

While masturbation is often thought to be a solo journey, it can also be enjoyed with a partner. Mutual masturbation involves using your hands or sex toys to pleasure your partner while they do the same to you. It has the added benefit of letting you know what you both enjoy while taking the focus off one person’s pleasure. 

7. Consider roleplay

Exploring and sharing your fantasies can take intimacy to the next level while building your trust in one another. In roleplay, you can pretend to be different people and act out different scenarios. This approach to pleasure can be a lot of fun and may add an extra spark to your sex life! 

Clear communication is really important and will help you find out what you both enjoy during roleplay. You choose how you want to play here – from simple “strangers at the bar” scenarios, to more nuanced consensual-non-consent scenes, you and your partner can make the experience as elaborate or simple as you desire. Discuss how you feel before and after sex, and remember it’s OK to ask your partner to stop at any time.

8. Make out

Kissing isn’t just reserved for the early stages of your relationship. It’s a great way to be intimate, no matter if you’ve been together for twenty minutes or twenty years! Making out can lead to other types of non-penetrative sex, like mutual masturbation or outercourse. 

Research has found that kissing is an important part of bonding in romantic relationships and may even increase your satisfaction in the relationship [8].

9. Give your partner an erotic massage

An erotic full-body massage can be a great way to show your partner how much you desire them and build arousal. All you need is a good massage oil and a splash blanket or a couple of towels to protect your sheets. No skill is required — the key is taking your time and exploring your partner's body.

If you want to elevate the experience, consider setting the mood beforehand. Dim the lights, scatter some rose petals around the room, light a scented candle, and play sensual background music to create a relaxing experience that engages multiple senses.

End the massage once your partner is fully relaxed, or if you both are in the mood, consider ending the massage with making out, oral sex, or a handjob/fingering.

10. Take a steamy shower

Showering together can be so much more than about getting clean. It's a great way to be intimate with your partner without interruptions, get plenty of skin-on-skin contact, and find new ways to get frisky.

Before you jump into the shower, spend some time seducing each other. Kiss, touch, undress each other. Admire your partner's naked body, and ensure they know how much you love the view by using your fingers, lips, or words to tell them that.

Once inside the shower, if you have a detachable showerhead, use it to stimulate your partner's sensitive spots. Experiment with different pressures and angles to transform a simple shower into an adventure.

11. Indulge in sensory play

Sensory or sensation play can be a thrilling experience that helps you and your partner get to know each other's bodies better. It involves using your hands, fingers, mouth, tongue, and other tools to map out all the pleasure zones on your body.

Tools like feather ticklers, pinwheels, satin scarves, and blindfolds can enhance the experience and make the exploration extra pleasurable. If you want to take it even further, consider combining the blindfold with earplugs to heighten sensations further.

12. Try temperature play

Temperature play is a form of sensory and BDSM play that involves experimenting with different temperatures. It can be hot and cold, whichever you prefer. Combining both may give you the best experience.

To explore cold play, use cold spoons, ice cubes, or iced dildos (put a glass or stainless steel dildo in the fridge for 20 minutes before play) on your partner's body to stimulate their erogenous zones.

For hot-temperature play, you may want to use massage oil candles or even low-temperature candles. A massage oil candle will offer a nice, warm experience and an easy way to elevate a sensual massage. Once your partner's body is covered with warm massage oil, use the low-temp candle to drip some wax along their naked skin.

Be cautious when using a low-temperature candle. Use only candles specifically designed for low-temperature body play. Never drip wax over the hairy parts of the body, and keep the candle as far from the body as possible while dripping to minimize painful sensations.

When trying anything new in the bedroom, proceed slowly and check in with your partner regularly to see how they feel and that they are OK and still enjoying the experience. It's essential to use the correct toys and tools to avoid injuries or accidents. Always do your research before embarking on any new kind of non-penetrative sex.

Pain during penetrative sex

Pain during intercourse, known as dyspareunia, is more common than you'd think. Research shows that anywhere between 10% and 20% of women in the US and around 8% of women in the UK have experienced it [9, 10].

There are a number of reasons people can find penetrative sex painful, such as vaginal dryness or having a condition such as vulvodynia, which can make penetration (and other types of sex) unenjoyable. You don't have to suffer in silence — experiencing pain during any type of sex is a good reason to talk to a healthcare professional.

However, a good place to start is trying out these other types of sex, which can alleviate the pressure and may help make sex more enjoyable. Most of all, it’s important that you and your partner are communicative about what does and doesn’t feel good. Clear communication is essential when it comes to giving and receiving sexual consent and is an important cornerstone in any relationship.

What are the benefits of non-penetrative sex?

As mentioned earlier, finding more ways to get frisky has its benefits, including:

• Better understanding of your own and your partner’s bodies
• Better and more reliable orgasms
• More variety to your sexual repertoire
• Bonding between partners 
• Relieve anxiety or pain that may be associated with penetrative sex
• Reduced risk of pregnancy
• Non-penetrative sex can also be used as foreplay to penetrative sex to increase arousal

What are the disadvantages of non-penetrative sex?

As with all types of sex, non-penetrative sex might not be for everybody, and that's OK. It all comes down to personal preferences. For some people, non-penetrative sex can be a no-go because:

• There is still a very small risk of pregnancy if semen gets on toys or fingers that go near the vagina
• There’s still as a risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as gonorrhea or chlamydia, as you can contract many STIs from touching genitals or practicing oral sex
• Some people may prefer internal stimulation or require a blended stimulation of internal and external pleasure spots to achieve an orgasm

Ready to try hormone-free birth control?

If you’re already using Natural Cycles as birth control, we hope this article can help you get imaginative during your fertile days. It’s important to make sure that if you do practice non-penetrative sex, you keep sperm away from the vagina by keeping hands and sex toys clean. 

The Natural Cycles app is the first of its kind to be FDA cleared as birth control in the US and CE marked in Europe. It uses the science of basal body temperature paired with an algorithm that learns the pattern of your cycle so you can prevent pregnancy completely hormone-free. Haven’t signed up yet? Why not find out if Natural Cycles could work for you?